Raccoon Warning Goes Into Affect
Cats enjoy the moon with—wait, what’s that? A RACCOON?!
Neighbors Taborax and Everything Bagel have alerted us to suspicious raccoon activity, so we are issuing a Raccoon Warning (yes, we have this power until someone proves otherwise). The pair spotted a family of five or six raccoons in their yard on the ides of July. Please help us keep the newsroom updated by sending us any videos of their wee families for important data collection.
Jasper Report
Jasper’s latest bully behavior took place around 22nd and Salmon. Victims included Tiddy and a grown human. Readers, beware. We know him handsome and him flip and flop, but him scwatch!