Interview With a Neighbor: Marionberry
“If I get out there, I am going to poop in his garden. This will not go unanswered.”
Marionberry lounges for a portrait.
Transcript of a conversation between Sweet Miss Til and Marionberry on Interview with a Neighbor, EP 1: Marionberry
SMT: Heeho! Welcome, Marionberry, to Interview With a Neighbor. It’s a pleasure to have you with us today. We’d like to ask you some questions that we think will be of particular interest to your neighbors.
SMT: Our first question: do you have any nicknames?
MB: I am called by many names in many tongues: Marion, Barion, Marion’s Berrions, Hey You I See What You’re Doing, Stahp It, Banana
SMT: Can you describe your skincare routine?
MB: First trick: get sandy. Do you have that personal beach box in your house too? Get that sand all over you and run around the apartment. Stop by the human and get a little sand on his face while he’s sleeping. And then when he wakes up, time to perch on that chest and refuse to move until I’ve licked every part of my body. Most important spots? Between the Beans.
SMT: Ah, yes, the beans! Speaking of small beany things, can you tell us: what do you have in common with the elusive marionberry that you share a name with?
MB: Sweet, Oregon Native. Sharp pointies. Juicy AF.
SMT: Excellent, and I did notice your beautifully kept pointies. A Serious question for you, Marionberry: how often do you talk to ghosts? Do you have a favorite ghost in your building?
MB: Funny you should ask, I converse daily with ghosts in the walls. I will spend hours having a full conversation with the South Wall Ghost. Human asks me if there’s a bug? Haha, no but it’s good to keep him guessing.
Marion flips and flops.
SMT: Ah, the South Wall Ghost! We all have one. Marion, if you were an outside cat for a day, what would you do?
MB: There is a neighborhood boy that poops in the garden beneath my window. It is either a threat or an invitation. If I get out there, I am going to poop in his garden. This will not go unanswered.
SMT: I love that for you—please do keep us updated. Heeho, you have any regrets?
MB: My human did not inform me about the filing deadline to run for the city council. I had big plans: Meowell’s Books, Purrtland, The Goodpaw, Clawrelhurst Park. Keep an eye on this space for 2028.
SMT: I must say, you would make a very charismatic candidate for city council. You’ve had experiences with raccoons, yes? Can you tell us everything you know about them?
MB: I don’t want to profile, but these bandit-looking trash pandas come waltzing up to my window during a snowstorm like, “please sir can we have a spot of warm tea for christmas?”—absolutely not! I am going to whap whap whap my paw against the window every goddamn time. Stay in your lane, raccoons.
SMT: Anything else you’d like for our audience to know about you?
MB: It doesn’t matter how much you spend, how many feathers it has, what sound it makes, if it looks like a bird or a fish—the best toy will always be garbage. Gimme that plastic bag.
SMT: Mmm, agreed. Thank you, Marion, it’s been a pleasure having you as our first guest on Interview with a Neighbor. Take care, heeho. And to our audience, remember: you’re a swee swee gorl in a swee swee worl.
