Shinka’s Suspicious Tree-Climbing Ignites Conspiracy Theories on 44th

Shinka, a handsome and athletic Sunnyside tuxedo, was spotted climbing up and down trees on 44th and Taylor. While innocuous enough, the skill in which he scaled the trees has neighbors suspicious. What’s his business in the canopy? Is he chasing something or avoiding something? How is him so trained in branches? Some neighbors are even connecting this event to an uptick in underground Churu dealing, which, for the record, we would love to know more about for purely journalistic reasons.